The power of letting the other side say no

Suze Cumming, founder of The Nature of Real Estate and Canada’s Real Estate Negotiation guru, answers Realtors’ questions on the first Friday of the month about negotiation tactics and working through tricky situations. Have a question for Suze? Send her an email.

 

Agents have been asking me how they can push or encourage buyers without seeming pushy.  In this market, how you communicate means the difference between trust and skepticism — between deal or no deal.  

Most of us have been trained in sales systems that teach us to move conversations toward yes.
Yes to working with us.
Yes to the asking price.
Yes to the offer.

On the surface, this seems logical. But experienced negotiators know that pushing for yes often erodes trust and restricts the flow of important information. You may get agreement, but a rushed yes is often just a polite maybe, and a maybe is usually a no that hasn’t found its voice yet.

Skilled negotiators understand something counterintuitive: when people feel safe saying no, better decisions follow.

The hidden problem with yes, and maybe

Sometimes, yes really does mean yes.
Yes, I want to work with you.
Yes, I want to accept this offer.

That’s a hard yes, and in those moments, you are no longer negotiating. You have alignment and you are simply moving forward.

That’s why yes feels good. It signals progress. But in practice, a soft yes can mean many things:

• I don’t want conflict
• I’m skeptical
• I need more time, but don’t know how to say it
• I’ll revisit this later

“Maybe” is even less helpful. It often signals uncertainty, discomfort or a lack of trust in the process. Things appear to be moving forward, but without real alignment. That is why deals that begin with maybes so often unravel later.

Most agents can recall a listing appointment that felt promising, ended with a strong maybe, and then dissolved into weeks of silence, vague communication, and eventually seeing the property listed with another agent.

A weak yes or a lingering maybe wastes more time and energy than an honest no.

What changes when no becomes safe?

When you remove pressure and allow the other side to say no, several important things happen:

• Defensiveness drops
• Posturing fades
• Real concerns surface

“No” brings clarity. It tells you where the edge truly is. And clarity is the starting point of every successful negotiation.

This is also where trust begins to build.

When buyers or sellers realize they are not being pushed toward an outcome, they experience you differently. You are no longer on the other side of the table. You are working with them, not against them.

A practical example

Imagine you have a sign-back from the seller for your buyer client. The price is fair and the property is a good fit. The listing agent has indicated that this is their lowest price and that there is enough interest to support it. You believe them.

Your buyer wants to sign back again, lower, because the market might soften further.

Pushing your client at this moment will likely increase defensiveness and erode trust. Creating space for no often has the opposite effect.

You might say something like this:

“I understand it’s an uncertain time to be buying. This is a good home, in a desirable neighbourhood, with features that are consistently in demand. You have an opportunity to buy it at a fair price with this sign-back. I’m completely comfortable if you decide this isn’t the right house and want to walk away. We can continue to search for something that feels like a better fit. But if this is the right home for you and your family, this is your chance to secure it.”

This approach does not guarantee a sale. What it does is invite your client to consider their decision without ego or posturing. When no is a genuine option, people tend to evaluate their choices more honestly.

No is an important option for you, the agent

Allowing no is also powerful for you.

Consider a listing conversation where the seller insists on a price the market will not support. You have completed a thorough CMA and presented your pricing analysis. Despite this, the seller remains anchored to an unrealistic number.

At this point, you also have the option to say no.

Delivered with professionalism and tact, it might sound like this:

“I understand that you have a great property and that you are not in a hurry to sell. I also know this is a soft market, and homes priced above market value tend to sit and go stale. That process can be frustrating for sellers and agents alike. While I would like to work with you and help you achieve a strong result, at that price, I can’t help you.”

When expressed calmly and without threat, this often has a surprising effect. It invites the seller to pause, reconsider their position and take your advice more seriously.

The quiet signal of a strong BATNA

When you are comfortable allowing no, you send a subtle but powerful signal.

Without ever naming it, you are demonstrating a strong BATNA, the ability to walk away or take a different path if this one is not right. That confidence changes the tone of the conversation. It creates steadiness. It reduces emotional pressure. It invites honesty.

Paradoxically, the less attached you appear to be to getting a yes, the more open the other side becomes to real dialogue.

A final thought

The goal of negotiation is not agreement at all costs.
The goal is a decision that holds.

When no is safe, yes actually means something.